RESILIENCE

vhasherownway:

Let’s go oldies. <3 Youth Asylum “color everywhere.” :))

Can we just throw it back to 2000 when my biggest problem was being hoplessly in love with Derek from Youth Asylum? Because those were some GOOD days. Can I also mention the only reason I was so ga ga over Derek was because he grabbed my hand at the end of this song and kissed it?

Ok, i’m done embarrassing myself for the night.

p.s. I’m glad I”m not the only person on tumblr who knows who YA is :D

Is anyone else excited about wearing pastel jeans this spring?

Because it takes me back to when I was 13 or 14 years old and I was OBSESSED with finding a pink pair of pants. It was my calling… but alas, since i had the body frame of a starved 8-year-old asian boy I really couldn’t find anything that fit except a pair of Paris Blues hot pink capris… size 0, SKIN TIGHT.

…. and I wore the hell out of those bad boys.

Dear Financial Aid Gods,

Please bless me with abundant loans with a low interest rate. Also, please send word to the apartment Gods to bless me with an affordable, beautiful, safe apartment.

Forever in debt,

Heather

That awkward moment when your friend is obsessed with the band Fun. but doesn’t know who The Format are.

-_-

When you realize the shit you’re stressing over is F’ing POINTLESS…

The mere thought of moving somewhere with actual seasons excites and terrifies me all at once.

That awkward moment when the person you used to love leaves this song on your voice mail during one of the most vulnerable times in your life.. -_____-

2 weeks ago tomorrow I reblogged this youtube video because it brilliantly explained Aphasia.  I had no idea 1 week after posting this someone I love very much, my best friend, my mother, would be affected by Aphasia.  Some of you may know my mom underwent a craniotomy to remove an Arteriovenous Malformationn (AVM)- if you didn’t know then, here it is…  It is not cancer, a tumor, or a type of stroke; an AVM is an abnormal connection between veins and arteries.  They are typically congenital but can also develop later in life.  AVMs can be in any part of the body where veins and organs meet- they are not limited to the brain.  The danger of an AVM is, if it bleeds then it can lead to a brain damage and even death.  Sometimes AVM hemorrhages go undetected because the bleed is very small however, when there is a large bleed then the symptoms are similar to those of a stroke.

Although hers was acquired through neural edema (swelling of the brain) and will likely fade as time passes, this youtube video helped me, the SLPA, explain to my family what was going on in my mom’s brain.

My mom will likely need speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy to help her regain some of her communication and motor senses. This is unnerving and frightening but I of all people know what a little hard work and good therapists can achieve.

I know many of you have texted, wondering how my mom is doing and I apologize for leaving those messages unanswered.  To be honest, I completely shut down my emotions and trudged forward.  So, here is a day-by-day breakdown of what happened up until yesterday, 3/2/12:

• Friday 2/24: Date of surgery.  Due to brain swelling (from the AVM hemmoraging as it was being taken out) she was put on a ventilator and sedated to better control her blood pressure.  Too much blood pressure could cause more swelling and hemmorage.
• Saturday 2/25: Feeding tube placed in her nose to her stomach.
• Sunday 2/26: Prayed for the first time in about 5 years.
• Monday 2/27: Sedation was lifted but she was still on the ventilator.
• Tuesday 2/28: Still on ventilator but showed me she was still in her by lifting her eyebrows at me when I asked, “Mom, do you understand me? Give me eyebrows if you do.”
• Wednesday 2/29: She was taken off the ventilator and whispered her name when my dad asked her if she knew her name.  She also told him his name.
• Thursday 3/1: My mom told me my name… a whole blog post needs to be dedicated to this date.
• Friday 3/2: Mom was sitting up in a chair.  A speech pathologist tested her swallowing- she passed with flying colors.  But, he suggested she stay on the feeding tube until she becomes more lucid, which will give her a better chance of getting the proper caloric intake.

Some of you have asked, and some may be wondering how I’m doing.  Well, I am in robot mode while holding things together..  But, that is a gift I have- I am fantastic in a crisis.  I know how to magically turn my emotions on and off and in this situation it works to the best of my ability.  Did I cry? Yes, I still cry… everyday. Not because I feel bad for myself, but because I am frustrated by the situation and I’m sad for my mom. I am also blessed with a very good relationship with my family, especially my dad.

As of right now I am planning on deferring grad school for a year.  I’m not sure if the universities I will be accepted to will work with me on this- but to be honest I don’t care.  All I want to do is help my mom find her words again and become herself.

So, whatever religious affiliation you are or aren’t- I’m asking from the bottom of my heart for prayers, good vibes, and kind thoughts for my mom’s successful recovery.

Thank you to all of my beautiful, kind hearted friends who have reached out to me- I am at a loss for words for how grateful I am for you all.

Dear people who list “partying” as an interest on facebook,

You remind me of how much I’ve accomplished since high school, thank you!

You remind me of exactly who I don’t want to be, thank you!

You make me grateful for not peaking in high school, thank you!

You remind me what happens when one consumes a lot of alcohol and takes embarrassing photos.. they always end up on facebook, thank you.

Love,

Heather

Pay it forward everyday…